In what HR is calling a “beautiful oops,” a newly hired Microsoft software engineer may have inadvertently invented the first natural-language, AI-driven personal massager.
The developer was tasked with adding new features to Microsoft’s M365 Copilot Chat interface. According to sources, his manager told him that all new features needed to be “vibe coded.”
Unfamiliar with the jargon, and too embarrassed to ask for clarification, the junior developer assumed the directive referred to… something else.
“I didn’t want to look clueless. With all the layoffs, one wrong question can put you on a list,” the developer explained. “So I borrowed my girlfriend’s wand massager, cracked it open, and used Copilot to walk me through the schematics. We had a stack of discarded Copilot+PCs in the office corner nobody wanted, so I scavenged an NPU and Wi-Fi chip and and soldered up a basic microphone input and voice-to-text interface using Azure AI Speech APIs.”
The manager had some very confusing weekly SCRUM meetings with the developer, and was about ready to terminate him, when the developer had his girlfriend demonstrate the working prototype during a Teams meeting.
A coworker said of the meeting, “It was hard to hear what was going on due to Microsoft Teams’ excellent noise cancellation features, but even that couldn’t drown out the moans. That’s when we knew we were seeing something very promising.”
The Copilot powered wand responds to natural language prompts, and can change intensities or modes using phrases such as:
- “faster”, “slower”, or “harder”
- “switch to the crescendo mode”
- “low and slow”
- or even “do the one that goes ‘bzzzzzzzz, duh duh duh duh, bzzzzzzzz, duh duh duh duh'”.
The project, once seen as a mistake, has now been spun up into a new business unit tentatively called Microsoft Surface Pleasure.
Marketing is already exploring product names, with frontrunners including:
- Copilot+Orgasm
- Surface Vibe Pro
- CumPilot™
Integrations with the Surface Dial to control the unit, as well as cloud-based remote control via Semantic Kernel plugins are also being explored.