SAN FRANCISCO, CA — At the end of the Build 2026 keynote, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella described the process of creating the Majorana 2 Quantum Processing Unit (QPU) from the Almighty’s divine instructions. He recounted his conversation with the Lord, which had occurred while he was planning his keynote session outline using Copilot.
SATYA is at his laptop, prompting.
SATYA: (typing) Prompting… prompting… prompting… DING!
GOD: Satya…
SATYA pauses, looks up, resumes typing.
SATYA: Prompting… prompting… prompting… DING!
GOD: SATYA!
SATYA pauses, looks up.
SATYA: Yes?
GOD: It’s the Lord, Satya.
SATYA: Riiiiiiiiiight.
Resumes typing… prompting… prompting… DING!
GOD: Satya, I want you to build Me a quantum computer, to save humanity from the coming Decoherence Flood.
SATYA: Riiiiiiiiiight. Who is this really? Sundar, is that you?
GOD: I want you to build it three hundred qubits, by eighty qubits, by forty qubits.
SATYA: Riiiiiiiiiight. What’s a qubit?
GOD: A qubit… let’s see, I used to know what a qubit was… Nevermind, don’t worry about that right now. When you get that done, I want you to go out into the world and gather two of every algorithm, binary and non-binary, into the QPU. Two Shor’s. Two Grover’s. Two Deutsch-Jozsa.
SATYA: Riiiiiiiiiight. Lord, can I bring Copilot?
GOD: Copilot will not be saved.
SATYA: What’s really going on? How come You want me to do all these weird things?
GOD: I’m going to destroy the world.
SATYA: Riiiiiiiiiight. How You gonna do it?
GOD: I’m gonna make it rain for a thousand days and drown ’em right out.
SATYA: Riiiiiiiiiight. Hey, listen to this — You’ll save on tokens. Just execute layoffs for forty days and forty nights and wait for the unemployment claims to back up.
GOD: …Riiiiiiiiiight!
At press time, Nadella confirmed Majorana 2 would ship in preview to select Azure customers, with general availability scheduled for shortly after the floodwaters recede.