Moving on from the layoffs of 9000 employees, Microsoft HR has been busy making changes for the next fiscal year. Starting in November during their open enrollment period, existing Microsoft FTEs will be able to add a new AI-driven Enhanced Termination-With-Empathy option to their current benefits plan.
In a leaked email to employees, Chief People Officer Kathleen Hogan outlined the option’s features:
”You asked, and we listened. We know many of you were disturbed by the heartless way the previous 9000 employees were let go. A locked Teams meeting in which you couldn’t unmute your mic or turn on camera, use chat, or even see the faces or names of the other poor people getting fired – this is not the termination experience we aspire to. This is why we are excited to announce our new Copilot powered Enhanced Termination-With-Empathy benefit. With our first-in-the-industry eTWE plan you can be comfortable knowing that when you do get RIF’d, eTWE will make it a much smoother and kinder experience.
Introducing: RIFbot!
Instead of a group firing, you will now get a personalized 1 on 1 Teams session with RIFbot, your friendly personal RIF assistant. RIFbot will help you with all your termination needs including:
- Automatically changing your LinkedIn status to Open for Work
- Providing discount code for 1 free month of LinkedIn premium
- Automatically posting an AI-generated positive and toothless farewell message on your LinkedIn profile that thanks the company for your time there, mentions how much you learned during your time there, how excited you are for future opportunities, and lets future employers know that you are another Koolaid drinking compliant employee that will fall right in line when hired.
- Answering any severance related questions you have as long as it can be found in its FAQ database
- Listing information on how to engage with our outsourced mental health provider, Spring Health
- 3 Month Xbox Game Pass
Enhanced TWE is an optional choice for your benefits. If you wish to remain on the standard termination plan no action is required by you.”
The plan will only cost employees an extra $23.16 per pay period, deducted pretax and calculated as an imputed benefit.